


Best Laid Plans

by Ultra



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Family, Relationship Problems, Romance, Teen Angst, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-05
Updated: 2013-10-21
Packaged: 2017-12-28 12:51:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/992208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultra/pseuds/Ultra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Re-writing the end of Season 3. Jess feels he is doing nothing but letting Rory down. She doesn't agree, but can he work past his own issues and make things right, before it's too late?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My second Gilmore Girls fic, because I just needed to rewrite the end of Season 3 so badly! Hope anyone who reads it enjoys my take on things :)

Rory was sure she could list a million differences between Jess and Dean, though she usually made a concerted effort not to compare the two. It wasn’t fair to do it and she wouldn’t try. Still, one thing she would admit to was that Jess had this way of kissing her that Dean never did. It made her lose her mind just a little bit, sometimes a lot. She started to lose her resolve a little more each and every time they made out. In spite of this, Rory was determined that when the time came for them to go all the way, it was not going to be after some random conversation in a stranger’s bedroom, with a party going on downstairs.

“Jess, stop,” she urged him, pushing hard enough against him that he knew she wasn’t messing around.

Despite popular opinion, he wasn’t a bad guy, not that way. When she said no and really meant it, he did back off. Rory never blamed Jess for looking disappointed, not before and not now. His angry outburst was a surprise though, and it hit her like a slap around the face.

“You really thought it was going to happen like this?” she asked, looking as shocked as she felt by his attitude.

Jess itched to yell at her, even though none of this was Rory’s fault at all. Taking it out on her just because she wouldn’t let him past third base, that wasn’t fair. They’d been here before, and he accepted that he had to wait if he wanted to get any further. Rory really wasn’t like the experienced chicks he usually went with, but she was special, so it was okay. This honestly wasn’t about sex, not at all, but to tell her what was really going on, it just wasn’t an option.

“Are you really this mad at me because I won’t...?”

“No,” he cut her off before she could even finish asking the question, his heart breaking from the sight of tears in her eyes.

It was like a nightmare. Jess had come up here to get away from the lame party, but more so from Rory. When she came looking for him, talking was still too hard. It was just easier to let actions speak louder than words, but he couldn’t do just exactly what he wanted there either. Now Rory was upset and he was the bad guy again, without ever telling her the truth that he was still hiding.

Running still looked like an option. Straight past the bed and out the door, she wouldn’t have been able to stop him, but that would make him a coward... again. It wouldn’t bother Jess with anybody else, but this was Rory. She mattered too much. He never had anyone in his life that he cared for like this. Jess didn’t know he was capable of feeling this much until Little Miss Gilmore came into his life. Now he was stuck, no choice but disappointing her it seemed.

“What is the matter with you?” she asked desperately, trying to be tough but her face was already crumbling into tears. “Is it me? Do you not want to be with me anymore because I won’t just jump into bed? Is that it?”

“No, that’s not it!” he yelled in frustration, running a hand back through his hair.

All her fast talking, multiple questions, it didn’t help. It was hard enough for Jess to think straight with her crying and everything. He had to get out, he knew that much. His feet carried him towards the door before anything else could go wrong. Rory’s fingers grabbed his sleeve and pulled him back.

“No, you cannot just walk away from me!” she told him angrily.

He knew he could get away, but Jess relented all the same. Walking out on her when she was crying would be a pretty skeevy move anyway. Grabbing onto him and begging him not to go just made it worse.

“What do you want me to say, Rory?” he asked her, not actually turning around at all.

“Tell me what’s wrong with you tonight?” she urged him, pulling on his arm until she made him turn around, but he still wouldn’t meet her eyes. “Please, if love me enough to wanna take me to bed, you should be able to at least tell me what’s wrong!”

“I’m not graduating!” he yelled at her, right in her face because that’s just how they ended up at the moment when the explosion went off in his head.

Jess knew it was wrong, but he was upset, just like Rory. Difference was, she shed tears, whilst he got mad. It wasn’t her fault, but she was the only one here. Besides, he wouldn’t have to feel this way if she hadn’t come around making him fall for her. That was never supposed to happen.

“I’m not graduating,” he repeated, rubbing his free hand over his forehead and eyes, hoping to ward off the headache building there. “That means I can’t take you to prom. So there you go, that’s what’s wrong with me,” he told her crossly, finally meeting her gaze. “Now you can look at me like everybody else in this dumbass town does - with disappointment and pity.”

Jess pulled his arm out of Rory’s grip but didn’t try to leave this time. He wandered over to the window and stared out into the dark. Keeping the truth from Rory was hurting her, so he figured he may as well tell her what she wanted to know, even if that meant she was upset. Couldn’t be much more disappointed in him than she already was, he figured. Maybe he was wrong about that.

“Jess,” she called to him, but he refused to turn around.

Rory got up from the bed, wiping her face dry on the ends of her sleeves as she walked over to him. She wrapped her arms around his waist from behind and pressed her cheek in the centre of his back.

“I would never, ever look at you that way,” she told him genuinely. “I mean, yeah, I am kinda disappointed not to go to the prom,” she admitted, feeling every muscle in his body tense. “But I’m more worried about you. What happened?”

Jess tried to breathe through all that he was feeling, but it didn’t come easy. He could’ve dealt with her crying and screaming at him, telling him he was scum. Jess was well used to that kind of reaction from people - his Mom, Uncle Luke, the principal, the people in town. Rory had always been different, but this time he had been so sure he had ruined everything.

“Jess, come on,” Rory urged him, moving around to his side and trying to see his face clearly in the half-light. “What happened with school?”

He read her expression as genuine concern and didn’t doubt it for a second. Rory was one of the most honest and straight-up people he ever knew. It never did make sense that they made a pair, Jess knew it, but he felt so much for Rory. Lying to her felt like the worst kind of wrong he could do, next to hurting her, which made him literally want to die.

“Just didn’t work out,” he shrugged. “Honestly, I thought I was studying enough to scrape by. Apparently not.”

Rory nodded that she understood. It was a tough break, and she wouldn’t lie. What she said about being disappointed not to go to the Stars Hollow High Prom was true enough. At the same time, she knew it wasn’t the end of the world. Jess felt bad enough without her adding to it. He lied about stuff to just about everybody else, but not to her, Rory believed that.

“I’m sorry... about you not graduating,” she told him, making him smile, even if only slightly.

“I’m not,” he replied, putting a hand to her cheek. “At least, not for me. What kills me is that I ruined this for you, okay?”

It was a big deal that he said it, Rory knew that. Jess wasn’t great at expressing how he felt. Making out was an easy way to show that he wanted her, but being caring and sweet didn’t always come naturally. It happened, behind closed doors where nobody could see, even then, he had trouble showing weakness, and that was what this seemed to be to him. He let her down, that’s what bothered him. Guys like Jess didn’t care about graduating, but he did care about her, Rory realised it in that moment, more than she ever had before.

“You didn’t ruin anything,” she promised him, leaning into his touch. “It’s fine. We’re fine, I swear,” she told him, reaching up to kiss him sweetly.

Jess wanted to believe her. He did, in a way, but at the same time, it was impossible to truly accept that she was okay with his letting her down. He didn’t deserve Rory, especially not in moments like this, and he knew it. Even as she hugged him close and held on tight, repeating that they were just fine, Jess couldn’t let himself quite believe it. He’d screwed up again, and with the one person that really mattered to him. Maybe Rory was okay with that, but he wasn’t.


	2. Chapter 2

Rory wasn’t much for lying. That was why when Jess told her he couldn’t take her to prom she had admitted to being disappointed. Of course she wanted to go back to Stars Hollow High for one night, not just with Jess, but also with Lane and David. She had this perfect night planned in her head and now it could never be. Still, Rory was growing up and learning fast that sometimes things just didn’t work out exactly how you planned, but it could still be okay.

There was a back up plan forming in Rory’s mind. Chilton was having a prom too, and whilst it wouldn’t be quite as much fun, it was still prom. She wasn’t entirely sure that Jess would go for it. It had taken enough to convince him on the other prom, and this one would be much fancier. Her Mom had smiled and said Rory would have no problems. As bad as Jess was feeling about disappointing her, he’d probably do anything to please her. That seemed kind of bad to Rory, like taking advantage of her boyfriend, but she couldn’t deny the plan was solid.

It had got pretty late, but Rory wanted to talk to Jess about the prom sooner rather than later. There just didn’t seem to be another opportunity all day long. Well, that wasn’t strictly true and Rory knew it. In some ways she knew she had been avoiding Jess a little bit up to now. He got so mad at himself about not graduating, and mad at her for a while too. Rory did her best to let him know she wasn’t disappointed in him or ashamed to be with him. Graduating wasn’t everything, not to a guy like Jess anyway. She knew he was smart, and she also knew he felt bad enough already about prom.

There was a smile on Rory’s face as she reached Luke’s diner, sure as she was that she could make Jess feel better about things, and still get her prom date. It was a win-win when she thought about it. Still, the smile slid from her lips as she neared the door and realised that, despite the late hour, Jess was not alone.

There was a guy sat next to him at a table near the counter. Rory was pretty sure she didn’t know the older man, but then all she could see from here was the back of his head. With a frown she turned to leave, only to stop and change her mind. She could knock, go in, ask for an introduction maybe. After all, Jess was her boyfriend, there was no harm...

Rory didn’t get any further with her train of thought when suddenly the diner door flew open and the man she had been contemplating through the glass suddenly rushed by her. The door swung in his wake, and Rory ducked through the gap into the diner to see Jess still sat in the same seat, his face in his hands.

“Hey,” she said, feeling a little bad that she made him jump. “Jess, who was the guy?”

Rory couldn’t make out the look on his face at all. It was like he almost didn’t know the answer himself. That was proven untrue when he finally answered.

“That... was my father” he said shakily.

Rory never saw him look so lost. She was actually wondering if she had ever been so confused herself.

“Wow,” she said, apparently rendered all but speechless by the revelation.

Immediately, she looked over her shoulder and out of the window, but the mystery man, that was apparently Mr Mariano, was nowhere to be seen. This was a huge deal for Jess, she knew. He didn’t talk about his family much but Rory remembered him saying he never met his dad before, that the guy was long gone when he was just a baby. Now he was here, and that was just... wow.

“Yeah, wow is the word,” said Jess, wearing an expression his girlfriend could not read.

Honestly, he just didn’t know what to think. Joey Mariano had never featured in his life before, he was just the guy who knocked up his mom, the guy who’s name Jess had but nothing more. Meeting him was weird but not exactly terrible. They really hadn’t said much the whole half hour they’d been sat together and then he was gone, very quickly.

“Did he say why he was here?” asked Rory, then off Jess’ look she added. “To meet you, obviously,” she rolled her eyes. “But I mean, why now? Why not before?”

“I honestly don’t know,” her boyfriend shrugged. “I’m not even sure he knows.”

Rory wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say or do in a situation like this. She leaned over and hugged Jess on instinct. He kinda looked like he needed that and proved he probably did when he held her tight a while.

“You’re here pretty late,” he told her, suddenly noticing the time. “Not that I mind but did you have a particular reason?” he asked, pushing her hair back off her face.

“I did actually,” Rory nodded. “Suddenly doesn’t seem like quite the big deal it was before.”

Jess didn’t entirely like the sound of that. Conversations that were a pre-planned big deal rarely ended well, especially when he was on the receiving end of them. After the non-fight they had a couple of days ago over his not graduating, and prom being a no go, Jess wasn’t sure what to expect next from Rory. They hadn’t seen much of each other, hadn’t even really talked, though he had picked up the phone to call at least three times, and headed for her house twice, only to turn back half way. She said it was fine, but it didn’t feel that way to Jess. She admitted to being disappointed about prom, but insisted she wasn’t blaming him. Maybe it was all the other people in his life that seemed to blame him for everything that made Jess doubt her a little bit. Maybe it was because he was just really good at blaming himself.

“Hey, whatever you came to ask me, just ask,” he told Rory when she suddenly looked weirdly nervous.

Honestly, she wasn’t entirely looking forward to asking Jess about the Chilton prom in the first place. Their relationship had been a little shaky for a while, she worried that asking this of him, something she knew he would hate, it might lead to a very big fight. She didn’t have the strength for that right now, not on top of everything else that was going on. Still, if what her mom said was true, now might be the best time to get him to agree.

“Well, since we can’t go to Stars Hollow High prom,” she began, talking fast on purpose so they didn’t have to dwell on that part too long. “I was wondering if you’d maybe wanna take me to the Chilton prom instead?”

There was a full thirty seconds when she daren’t even look up and when she did she saw the expression on Jess’ face that she expected, the one that looked like he just licked a lemon.

“’Cause your fancy school, that’s really my scene,” he said sarcastically, watching her face fall. “Hey,” he got he attention back with his finger under her chin, smirking a little as he brought her eyes up to meet his again. “I didn’t say I wouldn’t go.”

“So, does that mean you will?” she asked, smiling because even though his bad joke was at her expense, she’d gotten used to that kind of thing from him by now.

“Yes, I’ll take you to your dumb prom,” he promised her with an accompanying eye roll, earning a kiss that proved Rory was well worth the sacrifice and getting dressed up like a penguin for one night.

“Have I told you lately that you’re the best?” she asked him then, their arms still round each other. “And y’know, it won’t be so bad. We won’t have to stay that long, and I think you might even get along with some of the people. Paris will be there, you remember Paris, and...”

It wasn’t that he didn’t find her totally adorable when she rambled, but Jess just had to kiss Rory then to shut her up. As if it wasn’t bad enough he just agreed to go to this shindig to please her when it was the last thing he wanted to do. Now Rory was just listing reasons to change his mind and Jess could do without it.

“Don’t think I don’t know what that was for,” she told him when they parted for air. “You’re lucky I don’t mind being shut up that way by you,” she added with a grin, planting one last peck on his lips before she got to her feet.

“You going already?” he checked, even as she ran to the door, making her answer obvious

“Like you said, it’s late. Lots of studying to do for finals still, and then there’s that whole sleep thing,” she smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Jess got up from his seat and went over to the window, watching Rory literally run home until she was too far to see. Studying. Maybe he should’ve tried that. No, Jess thought he was smart enough he didn’t even have to try. Rory was probably even smarter and she hit the books every night, give or take. She made Jess feel stupid, even though she would never intend to. Intelligence wise they were pretty evenly matched, but she was still much smarter in the way she handled things.

Turning away from the window, Jess let out a long breath. Between his father showing up and Rory asking him to the fancy Chilton prom, it had been a hell of weird night. Honestly, Jess wasn’t sure where he was going to go from here.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think this chapter is going to be what any of you expected... Sorry?

“What do you mean he’s gone?”

Lorelai had been dreading this conversation from the moment Luke told her Jess had disappeared with all his belongings and no explanation. Telling Rory her boyfriend upped and left without a word, it was always going to hurt her. With all the stress of finals, graduation, and more, Lorelai put it off for as long as she could. When Rory finally brought up Prom again and going to talk to Jess about it, there was no choice but to let out the truth.

“I’m so sorry, honey,” said Loreali, feeling the pain she could see in her little girls eyes. “Luke said he was gone, that he probably knew where, but he didn’t tell me where that might be.”

Rory was pretty sure she knew. There wasn’t anywhere specific Jess had ever mentioned wanting to run to before, and it was unlikely he went back for New York again. No, the only explanation was that he went after his father. That much she could understand, but what hurt Rory most was that Jess didn’t tell her or bother to explain. He just left, didn’t even trust her or care about her enough to talk to her about it.

“Rory?” her mother asked, putting a hand to her shoulder. “You okay there, kid?” she checked.

Rory sniffed as she took a deep breath and looked up to meet Loreali’s gaze.

“Yeah, sure,” she lied badly. “I mean, he’s that kind of guy, right? He kept telling me he was this big disappointment to everybody, and I tried to convince both of us he was wrong. Now I guess he’s proved he was right all along.”

She tried so hard not to cry, but Loreali was sure the tears were right around the corner. Screw the red light, she decided, and drove right on through to get her baby home before the worst of the sobbing started up. If Loreali ever saw Jess Mariano again she was going to slap his stupid face for doing this to Rory. Somehow, she doubted she would ever get the chance. To her mind, there was little to no chance of Jess ever coming back to Stars Hollow again.

* * *

“So, it’s cool if I stay a while, right?” asked Jess as he stood in front of his father outside of the boardwalk bookstore. “I’m not talkin’ long term, I don’t need my own room or anything,” he clarified fast. “Just need a place to crash, the couch would be fine...”

“Woah, Jess! Slow down a sec,” said Jimmy, waving his hands in the familiar gesture. “Man, I’m more than happy to see you here, you know that, but you can’t just drop into my life like this.”

“Oh, you mean the way you dropped into mine after eighteen years of playing absentee father?” asked Jess, starting to lose his cool.

“I thought you weren’t gonna bust my balls about that?” replied Jimmy, backing up a step.

“I’m not,” his son confirmed. “I’m really not, I just... I need a place to crash,” he repeated. “I don’t need you to be Daddy Dearest, or Father of the Year. Seriously, I just need a place to crash!”

The volume of his voice was rising as the arm waving that looked so much like his father’s own gesturing got more erratic. This didn’t make any sense, and Jimmy knew it. Having Jess just show up like this was a shock, but he couldn’t really blame him. When he dropped in on the kid at the diner in Stars Hollow, it had to be unexpected. They shared a whole half an hour of non-conversation, listened to a couple of songs on the radio over a cup of coffee, and then Jimmy came home. He never considered for a moment that Jess would give chase.

“You have a life, Jess,” he told him seriously. “I’m just... I don’t know how to be what you need.”

“What I need is a place to sleep for a few nights til I figure out what the hell I’m doing with my life!” Jess yelled frustratedly, all but throwing his bag onto the nearby bench in frustration. “Seriously? I have nowhere to go. I dropped out of school, not graduating. My Mom’s a whack job, I can’t stay at Luke’s place. There’s nothing in Stars Hollow for me anymore, except... There’s nothing.”

He ended much more sedately than he began, and even Jimmy with his limited people skills could tell there was much more to this than there seemed at first glance. Unfortunately, it seemed Jimmy had been conspicuous by his absence. Despite not being there to influence Jess’ life, the kid had turned out shockingly like him. A high school drop out with no direction or focus in his life. The major difference was, Jimmy was pretty sure Jess was much smarter than he seemed, much smarter than his father could ever hope to be. Jimmy couldn’t be sure why his son hadn’t got as far as graduating, and figured maybe it was better not to ask. There was one question that needed answering though.

“What are you running from Jess?” he asked him seriously. “You said you can’t stay in Stars Hollow. Is the law after you?”

“No, the law is not after me,” Jess rolled his eyes as he parked his butt on the bench next to his bag. “I told you, I just couldn’t stay there, that’s all.”

“Uh-huh” Jimmy nodded once and joined his son on the seat. “You also said there was nothing there for you ‘except’,” he quoted back to his son. “You wanna tell me what you were gonna say but didn’t?”

Jess opened his mouth ready to spew out some smart alec answer, but when he looked at Jimmy he saw a vague reflection of himself staring back. Sure, the guy was older, but even Jess knew they had their similarities whether he liked it or not. Jimmy called himself a screw up who always ran from trouble or even difficult situation he didn’t care to try hard enough to deal with. Jess was just the same, and he hated that.

“Her name’s Rory,” he said too quietly, looking away and out across the beach and sea beyond. “I don’t know what it is about her, I just...” he cleared his throat and changed tack just as soon as he realised he was going to say something sentimental. “Anyway, we dated and it didn’t work out, so I left.”

“You came half way across the country ‘cause some girl dumped you?” asked Jimmy with wide eyes.

“Hey, she didn’t dump me!” Jess argued angrily. “And before you ask, I didn’t dump her either. I just left.”

He waited for Jimmy’s reaction but none came for a long moment, nothing except the sucking of air through his teeth. Jess did a bad thing, he didn’t need anyone to tell him that. Leaving without so much as goodbye was a scuzzy thing to do. He did that once before to Rory though they hadn’t been dating then. This time was much worse, he’d run much further, and just a few short days before he was supposed to be taking her to the Chilton prom. Yeah, he was a real prince. It just proved to Jess all the more how unsuited he and Rory really were, how undeserving he was of her affection. He left before he screwed up her life as much as he was screwing up his own. Cruel to be kind and everything, he figured. Jimmy didn’t seem to agree.

“Y’know, when I left your Mom I thought I was doin’ the right thing,” he said, looking out to the horizon just as Jess had been doing before. “I’ll be honest, I wasn’t in love with her, not really, and as much I knew I should stay for you I was more scared of screwing up than anything else,” he admitted.

“Exactly!” Jess chimed in. “I left for Rory’s own good. We’re too different, I’m not... I’m just not what she needs. She was just gonna end up disappointed in me, same as my mother, and Luke, and everybody I ever met!”

Jess looked down at his own boot scuffing on the ground. He felt lousy, despite the fact he was doing a pretty convincing impression of a guy that didn’t care. Of course he cared, he cared for Rory. As he just explained, he left her because he cared so much, even in his own head that sounded pretty damn stupid now he let himself think about it at all.

“This Rory that you dated,” said Jimmy, getting his son’s attention. “You must care about her a lot to be this mad about the whole leaving her thing.”

“Didn’t I just say that?” Jess snapped, looking away again.

“And she told you she was disappointed in you? She started looking at you like a failure, stopped returning your calls, cheating on you?” he checked.

“No!” came the instant reply. “Rory isn’t that girl, okay? She’s just... she’s a good person. Too good for me. I just kept screwing up. I screwed up her prom, I screwed up my life and... and if I stayed, as smart as she is, she would’ve let me screw up her life too. I couldn’t let that happen.”

He was up off the bench now, pacing around like a caged animal. Jimmy might’ve found the whole thing amusing if it wasn’t so tragic. Poor Jess, he really had it bad. There was no way he left this chick to save her, he did it to save himself. He was scared, just like Jimmy himself had been when he bolted from the hospital the night Jess was born. He felt he couldn’t give the little guy what he needed, and maybe he was right, but a better man would’ve tried.

“You really wanna stay here a while?” he said, getting Jess’ attention suddenly. “You can, for a few days,” he confirmed. “Until your brain catches up to your legs and you realise running away from this Rory you love so much was maybe the dumbest thing you ever did in your life.”

Jess opened his mouth to argue but didn’t really get a chance as his Dad hefted his bag onto his shoulder and began walking away. Jess watched him go for a long moment before it occurred to him to hurry along and catch up. The guy was truly crazy if he thought Jess was ever going back to Stars Hollow. To think he could ever really make Rory happy in the long term was insane... wasn’t it? At least he had a place to crash and someone to talk to while he figured that out, Jess thought. Things could be worse.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do I wish Season 3 had ended? Just exactly like this! :)

When Rory’s cell rang again, she hurried to answer it, even though she was pretty sure silence would greet her ‘hello’. She said it three times, and with each repeat Lorelai looked at her a little more like she was crazy. Rory couldn’t say what she needed to in front of her mother, and so she moved by her, hiding herself away.

“Jess?” she tried, since Rory was sure that’s who it was. “I think it’s you. I’m pretty sure it’s been you for days, calling but not talking,” she told him. “You know what? That’s fine. Don’t talk. I’ll talk.”

Rory took a deep breath and tried to get her thoughts straight. Even though she had been planning this for days, it was still a jumble in her head when the time came to speak up. The first silent call, she just figured it was a wrong number, but it really had been days now, and a lot of calls. It started when Jess left, it just had to be him and his stupid inability to talk about what he was feeling. Rory would feel sorry for him if she wasn’t so mad and hurt by his leaving without a goodbye for the second time.

“Jess, you should’ve talked to me!” she all but yelled then. “I know it took a lot for you to tell me about school and your dad and everything, and I get that, I do, but then you still ran out on me. You missed taking me to my Prom, and now I’ve graduated and... and you’re still not here,” she said, tears creeping into her eyes and her voice.

Rory hated that he could get to her like this. She didn’t want to care about Jess after how he left her. Surely that proved he didn’t care for her, and yet he kept calling. He wasn’t a monster, not even a bad guy really. He just got messed up, confused, embarrassed, and running was his natural instinct when it came to what he was feeling, just as fighting was his instinct when he was cornered. Rory only wished that this time he had kept on sharing things with her, instead of blocking her out and bolting.

“I don’t understand why you wouldn’t let me in,” she cried, unable to help it anymore as she sat down on the bench. “It took so long for us to get to that point where we were together and it was good, and... and I love you, Jess. Even now after you left without saying goodbye again, it hurt, but it just proved to me that I did, I do love you.”

“I love you too.”

Rory would’ve sworn that she heard those words in his voice, and yet she could hardly believe it. What was more, it hadn’t seemed as if Jess spoke through the phone. It was as if he was standing right behind her. Sure she was crazy, Rory couldn’t help but turn around on her seat, and there he was.

“Jess,” she breathed, the both of them still pointlessly holding their cell phones to their ears. “I... You’re here.”

“Apparently,” he shrugged, that familiar smile coming to his lips as he closed his cell with a click and waited as she did the same. “Rory, I’m sorry,” he told her honestly then, the clever look sliding off his face in a second.

Rory knew he meant it. She couldn’t explain how. Honestly she ought to slap his face for what he had done. If she was even more her mother’s daughter than she seemed, she knew for sure she would’ve hit him, but that wasn’t Rory. Of course, as pleased as she was to see Jess, it didn’t stop her being mad at him still.

“You should be sorry,” she said crossly, folding her arms across her chest. “You should be very, very sorry for leaving, for not saying goodbye, for shutting me out...”

She had pulled her arms apart again so she could count her very relevant points out on her fingers. Jess got bored before she ever reached three, grabbing her wrist to pull her in close and lay his lips on hers. Rory meant to pull away, to be mad and not give in so easily, but it felt too good. She meant what she said on the phone about missing Jess, about loving him too. When he kissed her, it was so easy to forget everything else. Of course, such magic only lasted for so long and eventually when they broke for air, Rory came to her senses. This time she did slap him, so much so that her hand stung and Jess’ face whipped to the side.

Rory wasn’t proud of herself. Immediately she realised what had happened, her hand went to her mouth in shock. The kiss and the slap; out of the two, Rory couldn’t’ve said which bothered her more, or which was making her feel worse. For a long moment she didn’t know what to say and was just mildly surprised that Jess didn’t react either. Eventually, his hand came up to rub his stinging cheek.

“Guess I deserved that,” he muttered.

“Maybe,” Rory agreed half-heartedly, hugging herself, not really sure what to do or say next. “It’s not that I’m not glad you’re here, Jess,” she admitted then. “All I wanted was for you to come back. Actually what I wanted was for you to have not left in the first place...”

“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “You of all people know how hard that is for me to say, but it’s true, Rory,” he promised her. “Okay, I ran out on you, and yeah, that was dumb. I get that I screwed up, but honestly? I thought I was making it easier.”

“How was you shutting me out and leaving without a word easier for anyone?!” asked Rory, a little too loudly, though she barely even noticed people staring as they walked by.

“I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me!” Jess yelled right back, one hand smacking into the other in some gesture of frustration. “Don’t you understand that? I didn’t want you to look at me that way,” he shook his head, as Rory just stared.

Jess felt so stupid. Rory was one of the few people who had the ability to make him feel this way, though he knew for sure she would never do it on purpose. He was such an idiot, but trying to explain the way he’d come to realise it just made him feel even more dumb than before.

“I followed Jimmy to California,” he explained then, his volume and tone a lot more reasonable suddenly as his eyes focused more on the ground than on Rory. “I thought if I just left, I could start over and you could move on, forget about me. It was maybe the dumbest thing I ever did, okay?” he admitted.

“Yes, I agree,” said Rory, completely straight-faced even if it had seemed as if it should’ve been a joke somehow.

“I’m sittin’ there on the boardwalk in Venice Beach, thinking how sick I feel knowing how I’m never gonna see you again,” explained Jess. “Then I realise that you’re not gonna see me either, and my walking out the way I did, that was the thing that was gonna to hurt you most.”

Rory didn’t know what to say. She was the girl that had an answer for everything, always with something smart to say, just like her mom. This was different. With Jess it had always been different. They ran circles around each other with their book knowledge and smart answers for so long. When they started dating, it was just different. Things got serious, and now she wondered if it was too late to make it okay again. She hoped not.

“You’re a dope,” she said eventually, making Jess look up and meet her eyes.

“I’m a what?” he checked, looking genuinely confused.

“You’re a dope, and a dummy, and an idiot,” Rory told him seriously and more than a little bit crossly. “Did you miss the part where I said I love you?”

“Did you miss the part where I said it back?” he countered immediately, startling her into silence. “Maybe we’re both not as smart as we thought.”

There was no denying that, Rory knew. She hadn’t necessarily handled things with Jess as well as she should have. He was still in the wrong for leaving the way he did, but he had apologised, and she figured striking him in the face was probably enough punishment considering.

“You’re sorry for leaving, I’m sorry I hit you,” she recapped succinctly, letting her arms unwind. “You’re back, and I’m leaving for Europe for tomorrow, so we don’t really have a whole lot of time to figure anything out,” she continued, reaching for his hands.

It was a scene that had played out once before, way back in the beginning when they first got together and were finding their way as a couple. His fingers started to entwine with her own, and they both moved a little closer.

“Plenty of time when you get back, right?” he asked hopefully, with a smile he couldn’t help.

“If you plan on staying this time,” she replied, returning the look.

He didn’t actually answer her, but the way he kissed her then confirmed everything for Rory. It wasn’t fair to keep on punishing Jess, it would just waste time they didn’t have. He knew what he did wrong and he was sorry. She didn’t want to be mad at him, and Rory was pretty sure she could never hate the guy. She loved him, and apparently he loved her too. They had both learnt a few lessons in this relationship so far, and there were probably many more to learn, but that was okay.

“I missed you,” she whispered as they parted from their kiss, his hands at her waist and her arms up around his neck now.

“Yeah? Well, I missed you too,” he admitted. “Started to think about all the things I was going to miss and then suddenly I’m on a bus headed back to good old Stars Hollow,”  he smirked. “You looked great up there, giving your speech and everything.”

“You’ve been here the whole time?” asked Rory with wide eyes, about to accuse him for not coming forward sooner, but she never or got the chance.

“I got here when you were already on the stage,” he explained quickly. “Then you were with your family and... and I didn’t even know if you were gonna be happy I was back.”

“And you’re back to being a dope,” she confirmed with a smirk of her own as she made him look at her properly. “Jess, you hurt me, I can’t deny that, but of course I’m glad you’re back. As previously stated, I love you,” she told him, with every ounce of feeling she had in her.

She needed him to believe it, to trust in her and in what she felt for him, more so than he ever had before. Rory couldn’t risk Jess feeling like he wanted to run again. All her fears of that melted away when he looked back at her in much the same way, full of love and adoration for her alone.

“Y’know you’re the first girl I ever said that to,” he smiled, pushing her hair back behind her ear. “I seriously never thought I’d meet anybody that would make me want to, but then there’s only one Rory Gilmore in the world,” he smiled, whispering his own confession of love again into the next kiss they shared.

Rory couldn’t help thinking that this is how happy endings ought to be. Not that it was an end as such, it was just a beginning, a new one, for both her and Jess. She had no idea how it would all work out from here, but she did trust that it would work, no matter what.


End file.
